Saturday 16 March 2024

The Saturday List #433 - My top five St Patricks day memories

 St Patricks day is a massive day in the calendar for everyone of Irish ancestory. My Grandad was born in Dublin a couple of centuries ago and came to the UK to work and to avoid the heat on his family from the British establishment, as they were staunch republicans. Growing up as a Roman Catholic in North London, Irish culture was all around. I went to St Vincents RC Primary and then Finchley Catholic High School. On Paddy's day, everyone would come in with Shamrock and put on Irish accents and talk about how terrible all things British were. There was usually some sort of do in the Church, with a diddly band playing songs like The Wild Rover and Danny Boy. For me, it was lemonades and crisps.

As I grew up and I got into the Pogues, I started to appreciate the music. Here are a few of my best memories of Paddies day over the years.

1. 1981 - The Galtymore in Cricklewood. I was going out with a lovely Irish lass from Kilburn. Being into punk, I'd never been there before. Her elder brothers had the air of gangsters, but when I told them of my Irish heritage, they were fine. They were very into the Republican movement. There were collections for the cause, but mostly there was a lot of Guinness drunk. It was a fun night. The family moved back to Ireland suddenly a week later and I never saw them again.


2. 2016 - The Pogue Traders at The Water Rats -  A mate of mine was playing tin whistle in the band. I love the Pogues and I love the Traders as they carry on the musical legacy. It was a grand old day. Lots of Guinness consumed. They are playing at The Half Moon this year.Go if you can it will be great, sadly I can't

3. 2014 - The Sacred Heart Parish St Patricks night do. I was part of the Parish Council and we decided to do a Paddy's day do. When we were discussing food, we decided to invite everyone to bring their 'signature Irish dish'. The feast that the lovely parishioners put together was out of this world. I still get hungry thinking about it. I had the job of DJ'ing for the event as we couldn't get a band. Much fun was had. 

4. 1969 - St Patricks night party at The Annunciation in Burnt Oak. I was only eight at the time. My parents had been married at The Annunciation Church and knew the long time Parish Priest Fr Fred Smythe well. There was a vibrant social club, which had a 99% Irish membership. The party was always a blast. My brothers took their guitars down and lead a big sing song. My sister Valerie commented that this was "The last St Patricks day of the 1960's" which seemed really important at the time. 

5. 1979 - The False Dots St Patricks Day party. The band had been going a month. Pete Conway was very into Irish culture and decided that we'd have a St Patricks day party. We decided to write a song to mark the event. Pete was really into the Republican cause and wanted to write a song highlighting the injustice of British policies over the years towards Ireland. We were quite prolific and Pete was a great poet. When he announced that he was writing a song,  I was quite excited. Three days before the party, he turned up at my house and was distraught.  He said "Rog, I've got real writers block on this, every time I try and write anything about Ireland, it just comes out as a load of old rubbish". Pete was a bit of a perfectionist. It was important to him and he wanted to do it right. We got a bottle of cider and decided we would not move until we'd written a classic. After three hours we gave up. We had the party anyway, which was actually quite a laugh. It was the first time I drank too much Guinness, but not the last time. Dave the drummer quizzed Pete as to why he hadn't written the song. Pete said "If I can't write a better Irish song that the Dubliners, I'm not going to write one at all". That always stuck in my mind. I've not seen Pete since 1984. I wonder if he ever did?

Friday 15 March 2024

Friday Fun - We all love a party! This weeks gig round up in the Borough of Barnet

 As is the tradition amongst us Barnet blogger, we love to start the weekend with a little bit of humour!

As part of our new health regime, my wife told me this morning that we are no longer allowed to bring unhealthy snacks into the house. This is fine because I always eat them on the way home from the shops anyway. 

Also, why not put a date in your diary for the fabulous East Barnet Festival that returns this year 28th - 30th June. The music lineup will be announced soon, so keep an eye on this space. There are some really exciting artists who have provisionally agreed to appear. It should be the highlight of the Barnet music year.

Do you love a party? We do? We love party's so much that we've not only written a song by that name, we're also making a video. It will be The False Dots new single, coming out in April! Here is our sneak preview trailer! Make sure you come down to see us next Saturday 23rd March at The Beehive in  Bow.


And finally, our round up of the weekends gigs


£TBC


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A fine selection, I'm sure you'll agree!



Thursday 14 March 2024

The Thursday Album #5 - LAMF by The Heartbreakers

 


What is the perfect album? What album in your collection do you think could not possibly be improved? Would it be one that is so badly mixed, that it was reissued several years later with an alternative mix? Would it be one that there is no discussion amongst fans that doesn't speculate on 'the good mixes'. Of all the 1977 punk bands and all of the albums, in some ways LAMF by the Heartbreakers is the most interesting of all. The band were at the very heart of the emergence of the New Yourk punk scene. Johnny Thunders and Jerry Nolan were members of the New York Dolls, who gave Malcolm McClaren the blueprint for the Pistols. Original bassplayer Richard Hell is credited with inventing the punk look. By the time LAMF came out, Hell was long gone. 


Unlike British punk bands, the Heartbreakers were never interested in politics, anarchy or chaos. They were a brilliant rock and roll band, who only really lived to inject themselves with smack. Ironically, they signed to Track records. Apparently the recording and mixing process did not go smoothly, and from day 1, it was criticised for it's 'lacklustre mixes'. The album appeared in November 1977. I got off a 221 bus, returning from FCHS and I saw the album in the window of the record shop (where the Bridge Tavern is now). I loved the cover and bought it on the spot. I went home, put it on and was blown away. It didn't occur to me that it was a dodgy mix. I just loved it. I played it five times in a row. I only had four punk albums in my collection. Puremania by Vibrators, The Damned's first album, The Ramones two albums and this. Albums were expensive and my sole source of income was my paper round. I also had to go to gigs. I knew almost nothing of The Heartbreakers and their heroin addled life. I was fifteen years old and knew nothing of the meaning of Chinese rocks, One track mind or any of the other drug references. What I did know was that the band knew how to play rock and roll. They instantly became my favourite band.

As to the album

Side 1

  • "Born to Lose" (as spelled on label)/"Born Too Loose" (as spelled on sleeve)
  • "Baby Talk"
  • "All by Myself" 
  • "I Wanna Be Loved"
  • "It's Not Enough"
  • "Chinese Rocks" 
  • "Get Off the Phone" 

  • Side 2
  • "Pirate Love"
  • "One Track Mind" 
  • "I Love You"
  • "Goin' Steady"
  • "Let Go" 
  • For the previous episodes of this series, I've gone through the tracks and given my thoughts. I am inclined not to do this for LAMF. I think every number is brilliant. There are none where I make the tea or go for a wee during. I don't have a side I prefer. From the opening chords of Born to Lose through to the end of Let Go, where Johnny Thunders says "Is that alright", I always have a sense of ecstacy.


    It is quite odd, I've heard versions that are 'mixed properly' and to me, they just sound wrong, too perfect. It sort of reminds me of when I was on the bus home with my ex bandmate Pete. There was a girl who went to St Michaels that he mentioned he fancied. I commented that she had a lazy eye. Pete replied that he found it sexy and irresistable. He said that girls that were too perfect were never really sexy. That is the secret of LAMF. 

    I don't know how many times I've played LAMF, but it always sounds fresh. It needs to be played loudly, on vinyl, it doesn't work properly in any other setting. When The False Dots started, the drummer in our proto line up let slip that LAMF was his favourite album. That was the moment that he was in. I've always judged people of a punk rock persuasion on their reaction to LAMF. If they say "It's badly mixed", then to me, they are not really punk. If they say it's amazing then I will love and respect them forever. The songs are great, the guitar is great, when Johnny sings, it tugs your heartstrings in a way that no one else can.


    The more I learned about the band, the less empathy I had with them. I'm no fan of junk culture. I saw the Heartbreakers and Johnny Thunders many times. It was always a lottery as to whether they would be brilliant or terrible. They performed some of the very best gigs I ever saw (The Marquee was a highlight), they also performed the worst, The Lyceum where a live album was recorded. Thunders was off his head for the gig and spend half of it slumped on the floor.  I have the live album, it sounds far better than what I recall. There is a video of it somewhere, I've never watched it. Too many lllusions were destroyed. The live album has probably the most offensive song ever recorded on it. It is so offensive that it is cringeworthy.  I could forgive them anything apart from destroying my rock and roll dreams. But LAMF will always be the top of the pile. 

    Perhaps the song that best sums up The Heartbreakers is actually a Ramones song (Johnny and Richard Hell apparently wrote the middle eight). Chinese Rocks has the best middle eight breakdown ever recorded IMHO.  In it Thunders sings

    It's hot as a bitch
    I should've been rich
    But I'm just diggin' a Chinese ditch

    There was never a truer lyric. The baand should have been the biggest rock and roll band in the world. Having seen The Heartbreakers and listened to LAMF, I've always found supposed Rock and Roll bands such as Guns and Roses a bit naff and a bit too stilted. In many ways, they ruined rock and roll for me, by just being a bit too good at the whole thing. They are all dead now. Walter Lure was the last to go. 

    I doubt anyone who wasn't a teenager in 1977 and loved punk would understand any of this. But this album to me is the pinnacle of human development. It has never been surpassed. It never will be. Nothing truly compares. 

    ------

    Without LAMF I don't think I'd have formed a band. Last week, we filmed a video for our new single, "we all love a party" coming out in April. We have a gig on Sat 23rd at The Beehive in Bow. Here is a short trailer for the video, which we will be releasing soon. 


    Wednesday 13 March 2024

    Can you say what you like if you give the Tories ten million quid?

     What is the worst job in the UK? I think that is an easy one. It is being Diane Abbott. There are over 600 MP's and they seem to say stupid things almost every time they open their mouth. A stack of them have been sacked for various misdeeds, leading to a spate of by elections. Can you name any of them? All of these crooks, villians, etc, yet the one politician who is always fair game for a kicking is Diane Abbott. I am  not a fan of hers, but as someone who hates bullying, I cannot help but think the singling out of Abbott, who's biggest faults are that she puts her foot in her mouth sometimes, can't add up and is a bit of hypocrite in wanting the best for her kids, seems to me completely disproportionate, when so many get off scot free, when they've been doing actual criminal acts. I am not an apologist for Abbot, but lets have some perspective. The right wing press always choose pictures where she looks like she's been sleeping in a bin and been stung by a wasp. My mate, the Rev Emily Kollveit, Vicar of St Judes, used to work in Hackney and told me Abbot was the best and most helpful constituency MP she'd met. She told me that she really cared about people and was quite sensitive, so the criticisms got to her. Hearing Emily's stout defence made me reassess my previous view of her. I don't know Abbott, but I do trust Emily's judgement, she was a the former landlady of the Chandos Arms, before becoming a  Vicar, so is probably the most streetwise vicar in the C of E.  

    The former deputy chair of the Tories made blatantly islamaphobic comments whilst moonlighting on a TV show, but he's still an MP. It took the Tories an age to figure out that it was beyond the pale. When they finally suspended him, he had a hissy fit and quite for the 'Reform' Party. What do they want to reform? Perhaps they want the UK to become a place where blatant racism is acceptable, as it was in the 1970's. On Monday I wrote a blog about nostalgia. In the 1970's, we had blatant racism on TV on a daily basis. Bernard Manning on the comedians, Love they neighbour and Alf Garnett were all perfectly acceptable TV viewing. I saw an interview with actor Warren Mitchell, AKA Alf Garnett, where he said that the character was written to be so pathetic that no one would be able to empathise with him, only to find that everywhere he went, people would say "You are spot on with that Alf". In many ways, the BBC was more 'Woke' in the 1960s than it is now. Swear words were banned and they genuinely tried to make Alf Garnett look like an idiot. Even Love Thy Neighbour, an ITV show, did their best to portray the white racist as a fool, whilst the aspirational black couple next door were shown as intelligent and well to do. Where the wokeness stopped was with sexism, but that is another discussion for another day. 

    So fast forward to 2024. The words which formed Bernard Mannings act have been banned. Now we simply say "The N word" or "The P word" and heaven help anyone who uses such things in a humourous manner. Things have moved on. I do wonder what would happen if the BBC decided to have a 70's day and showed all of the worst examples of 70's TV in a marathon show. Would it be funny, or would we say "how could we possibly think that wasn't utter crap". I think my kids would have a heart attack at most of it.

    But, there seems to be one group of people that the rules don't apply to and the 1970's are still in full flow. I am talking about Kevin Hester OBE. Why can he say what he likes? Because he gave the ruling party in the UK a bung of ten million quid. When can you say a black woman should be shot in a public forum, and it's OK? When you've bunged the government party ten million quid. Would Bernard Manning still be on TV (yeah I know he's dead, but you know what I mean) if he'd bunged Rishi Sunak £10 million? Would he have got an OBE like Hester. 

    I am not someone who is easily offended. I grew up in the 60's and 70's. My Dad run a crash repair business, where I worked as a kid. I was surrounded by working class guys, who's language would make many youngsters hair curl and turn white. The jokes they would share would make Manning seem tame. I stood on football terraces, as racist chants, monkey noises etc were order of the day. I recall watching Black Manchester City goalie have bananas thrown at him at Fulham FC. It all seemed normal back then. It was only when Rock Against Racism called out Eric Clapton for racist comments at a gig in Birmingham, that it even occurred to me that it might not be OK. The Specials and other bands educated me and a generation. You can't love music made by black people, have black mates and think that its OK to treat them like shit, like second class citizens. When Diane Abbott puts her foot in her mouth, if it makes you want to 'hate all black women', you are actually a little bit sick in the head. When I was at FCHS, a bully of Irish origin beat me up in 1976, when they saw me at an England Vs Republic of Ireland match wearing an England scarf. Did that make me hate all Irishmen? No, it made me think that bullies are reprehensible. 

    Kevin Hestor has an OBE - That is an Order of The British Empire. He has brought the order into disrepute. He should be stripped of it. As for the Tories, should they give the £10 million back? This is dead simple. The answer is "If the Tories want to be associated with this man and his views, they should keep the cash and say so. If they want to prove that they find them abhorrent, then give it back". Earlier in this blog I mentioned 30p Lee Anderson. If Rishi Sunak wants to appeal to his constiteuncy (people who agree with him, not who live in his area, to clarify), keep the cash and shout it out proudly.

    It is easy really. Rishi Sunak needs to demonstrate what the Tories stand for. That is what leaders do. 



    Monday 11 March 2024

    That's the problem with the past......

    Yesterday we saw some wonderful sights in North West London. It was #VintageBusDay. I didn't know this until I saw an immaculately decked out 240 Routemaster bus in  Mill Hill Broadway station. I felt a real buzz of excitement and much to the embarrassment of my son, who was with me, started to take pictures, which I posted on Instagram

    My son was bemused by my excitement. I explained that I used to get the 240 to school at St Vincents on the Ridgeway and they used these buses. I then realised that, although he went to St Vincents, he never took the bus. I recall the excitement, when the old, clapped out Routemasters were replaced with shiny new buses, that were square and had automatic doors. I seemed like the future had arrived. The excitement didn't last. I soon felt nostalgic for the old buses, with their open platforms and their bus conductors. I did a google and the date was 16th January 1971. I'd have been eight years old. I vividly recall the last time I ever rode a Routemaster on a regular route, rather than a heritage day. It was the day of the 7/7 bombings. I was doing some work at Debenhams head office on Oxford St. As the horror of the bombings unfolded, I found I was stranded. I ended up working to Swiss Cottage, then took a 13 bus to Golders Green. This was still being worked by a Routemaster. I then got a 240 home. I felt a pang of guilt, as I genuinely enjoyed that journey. 

    When I see a Routemaster now, I think of the 7/7 bombing. Had that not happened, I would think of St Vincents, but it was a vivid day. On the 240 bus, I bumped into an old school mate from Orange Hill. I'd not seen him for years. What both he and I didn't know at the time, was that his sister had been on one of the bombed tube trains and she'd lost her legs.  We had a good old chit chat, in blissful ignorance.  A week later, someone said to me "Have you heard about Grant's sister". I was deeply shocked.

    My initial joy at seeing the Routemaster stirred up all of these feelings. The past is a strange place. We tend to remember what we want to remember. Yesterday was Mothers day and on Saturday I wrote about how it is a difficult day for me. Nostalgia is a very dangerous thing. When we think of the 60's and the 70's, it is nice to recall the Routemasters, the flair footballers such as Stan Bowles, Rodney Marsh and George Best, James Bond's DB6. It is really easy to buy into the idea that everything was wonderful then and it's all gone wrong now. The truth is far more difficult. It really wasn't so wonderful. The cancer my mother in 1970 was one that killed everyone who had it. She was unique in surviving a total gastrectomy in 1970. Her surgeon, Mr Phillip King, told her in 1984, that she was the only person on the planet, who had the operation then, that was still alive. Now there are treatments and people live. Given the choice between a pretty bus and my Mum, I know which I'd choose. 

    The truth is that we usually choose to view the past through rose tinted spectacles. We try and bury the bad bits in a locked room in our memories. I'm all for a bit of nostalgia, I spent Friday night recording a video with my band celebrating the party culture of the 1970's. Here's a few shots of some of the shenanigans that were going on. We had proper 70's party food such as cheese and pineapple hedgehogs, pork pies and sandwiches with ham. We invested in some Liebfraumilch, some Warninks Advocate and some Strongbow cider. We played soul and ska classics from the era.  It was all great fun, but there were some big differences from a party back in the day. No one was smoking in the room. No one drove home drunk. No one was telling mother in law jokes to their mates. No one was hunting around for a can opener to open a can of Watneys Party Seven. No one brought records with them, so we could here the 'latest sounds', they simply picked numbers on Spotify. No one needed to borrow 5p to run to the telephone box, to tell their mum they'd be late home.

    But when it came down to it, what we did was pretty much what we'd have done in the 70's. Listened to good music, ate and drank and forgot about our problems for a few hours.

    As this decade progresses, it become more like a version of the 1970's by the day. In 1974 Labour won an election to replace a failing Tory government, that had lost the plot. The Middle East was in turmoil, with a war starting the year before. There was a cold war in the East with us all scared about Soviet expansion. The UK economy was in a mess, after an energy crisis. Racism and anti immigrant hostility was on the rise, following Idi Amin's expulsion of Kenyan Indians. The parallels are almost uncanny.

    I suspect that in 1973/4, as we had three day week and the lights going out, the idea that anyone may look back on the 70's with fond nostalgia, would seen insane. That is the trouble with the past though, you can never quite escape it. In fact, no matter how awful it really was, it seems we don't really want to, even if we could. 

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    My band, The False Dots were founded in 1979 and are still going 45 years on. 
    Our next gig is at the Beehive, in Bow on Saturday 23rd March. Here is avideo we made celebrating the car culture or the 1970's. Please come and see us at our next gig on Saturday 23rd March at the Beehive in Bow, click here for tickets.



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    Saturday 9 March 2024

    The Saturday List #432 - Ten things about my Mum that I didn't appreciate when she was alive

    Mum and I in 1983  
    When I was the bane of her life
    Tomorrow is my least favourite day of the year. It is Mothers day. As my Mum died sixteen years ago, all it does is remind me of the fact that she's dead. There are people who are good children and there are people who are terrible. I am definitely in the terrible category. I have six siblings and I think I caused my parents more upset and grief than the rest of them put together. Although they had their ups and downs with my parents, none of them ever sought conflict and arguments in the way that I did when I was younger. If they did something that my parents wouldn't like, they would try and keep it quiet. I couldn't be bothered with all of that. In some ways, I was lucky, being the youngest. They couldn't be bothered having the same arguments with me. Whereas, when my elder brother and sister caused massive rows with my parents when they chose to live with, rather than marry partners, with me they actually seemed pleased that someone might calm me down. If I thought they were wrong, I'd tell them and not back down. All of my brothers and sisters did well educationally and all did post school education of some sort. I didn't. I went through several periods of not talking to them, following perfectly avoidable rows. When I was living at home and they went away, I had parties where valuables were nicked. Not only that but I found my Dad's stash of good wines and polished it off with my mates. Whereas my Brothers waited until they left home to stop going to Church, I just announced I'd had enough of it all at 14 and refused to go. My parents were both religious and this hurt them. 

    When my mum became frail and housebound, we became a lot closer. One day I was chatting to her and she confided that her and my father were driven to their wits end by my behaviour as a teenager. She said that she couldn't believe it when I actually got a job and started doing OK. She said that my Father had changed his view of me before he passed away in 1987. He'd realised that what he'd not appreciated was that I was my own person and he'd come to respect that. She said that it had taken her a lot longer, as she always had felt that we were just one cross word away from a row. I look back on those years and I realised that there were many things I didn't appreciate about my mother. Here are the top ten.

    1. I didn't appreciate that she'd worked hard for everything she had. As a kid, you just take it all for granted. Before I was born, my father had serious medical issues and she had to keep the family fed, clothed and housed, during his long periods in hospital. They ran a car repair business and she had to deal with a pretty unruly workforce. It cannot have been easy.

    2. I didn't appreciate the way she dealt with monstrous health issues. My mother was told in 1970 that she had stomach cancer and that she would die within three years. I was seven years old. She was told that even if the total gastrectomy she had was successful, it would just buy her a couple of years to get her house in order. No one survived longer than that. She died in 2008 and from completely unrelated issues. It was only when I was diagnosed with cancer that I fully appreciated what she'd come through and how much she shielded us from her problems.

    3. I didn't appreciate her intelligence. She came from a working class Irish family who had nothing. She completely reinvented herself and was the brains in the organisation. My Dad would have spent every penny the second he earned it. My mum was the one who made the business successful. Not only that, she was incredibly well read. Almost until the end of her life, she read three books a week. She hated the fact that I was so thick as a child, in the remedial reading group at St Vincents. Dyslexia wasn't appreciated then. She found ways to get me reading, buying comics and telling me that they were just as good as books. With the pictures, it made it easier to work out what was going on. I think many parents of six children might have given up on the last one.

    4. I didn't appreciate why she was reliant on alcohol. After my mum was diagnosed with cancer, she was advised by her surgeon to drink as much Guinness as she could "to keep her weight up". In 1984, she asked him if 8 pints a night was too much. He replied that there were two ways of looking at it. Everyone else on the planet who had the operation she had in 1970 was dead, so it must be doing some good, but maybe cut it back to three a night and see how it went. She always listened, but would top it up with a scotch at night to "help her sleep". I though she was just a bit of drinker (being polite), but now realise it actually got her through.

    5. I didn't appreciate her cooking skills. You get home and you get your dinner. 99% of the time, I loved it. It was only when she made tripe and onions and brawn that I didn't. I especially loved the bread and butter puddings she made and the stodgy dishes like toad in the hole. She always encouraged us to cook and gave me a love for it. I just took that for granted.

    6. I didn't appreciate her political acumen. My mum was a socialist, Dad was a Tory. She would read the Guardian every day. As a small business owner, she would always say "Small businesses do better under Labour, but most owners only think of tax, so are too stupid to see the full picture". She explained that Labour put money into the economy, so people have money to spend. Tories take money out and put up interest rates, so that only the people with old money and savings benefit. I could chat for hours about politics with her. I was pleased when she once told me "You are the only one of my kids who really understands the issues". I have always taken an interest in economics and had some fascinating debates with her. She could have been a very successful economist if she'd had the right opportunities. When I listen to Rachel Reeve I am reminded of my mothers intellect for such matters. It is only now, with hindsight that I really see this.

    7. I didn't appreciate her generosity. My Dad used to joke that my mother was a skinflint and a miser, because she counted the pennies and got exasperated with his spending. In hindsight, I realise she was actually very generous, but only in a way she though was sustainable or where people deserved it. She gave a lot of time and money to charity. She would rage against people who helped her at the Church jumble sale and would pilfer the best items. She fell out with a few 'ardent churchgoers' who she caught nicking at the Church jumble sales. My father would say "So what, it's pennies". She would reply "That makes it worse". She wanted the money to go to where it should go.

    8. I didn't appreciate her glamour. She was my mum. I didn't want a glamourous mum, but she was. She always made the best of herself. When she had a massive stroke in 2001 and aged 20 years in three seconds, I was horrified to see the change. She was in hospital for six months. When she came out, she couldn't communicate effectively. I would sit and drink a Guinness with her and try and get her talking, even if I couldn't understand a word. Eventually, I found that when she was relaxed, after a couple of Guinness, she could communicate. I said "Mum, is there anything I can do?". She said "Yes, I want my hair done". I arranged to take her to the salon. I explained to Sue, her hairdresser that she was very different. Sue said "I don't care, if she wants her hair done, I'll do it". She went there and when she came back, she was like a new person. The salon shut shortly after, so Sue would visit her at home. It was the best therapy she could have. In truth, especially when I was younger, she embarrassed me. I wanted a dowdy mum, who didn't want to stand out from the crowd. How stupid I was.

    9. I didn't appreciate the fact that she loved me. My mum was not demonstrative. She wasn't a hugger. I always thought that she'd have been happier if I'd not been around, as I caused so much grief. I took her to France, the week before she died and she told me that life was a strange thing and that the best thing of all for her was her kids. I said "Even me?". Her response shocked me. She said "You were by far the most difficult, but you've always told me the truth. I love you for that". It was an honest answer. When we struggle with our children, we have to remind ourselves that they are special and unique. When they upset us, they are just being themselves. She told me that once she realised that when we argued, I was not doing it to upset her, she said she found she no longer got quite so upset with me. I never really appreciated that until I thought about it after she went.

    10. I didn't appreciate the amazing support she gave me in my music business. I wouldn't have a studio without my mum's support. She gave me the opportunity to rent the space from her and gave me invaluable advice on how to run a business. The studio always paid its way and she never bailed me out, although she did loan me money to do a couple of developments, when I persuaded her the business case stacked up. In 1990, three years after my Dad died, she was considering selling the industrial estate she managed. She was retiring and didn't want the hassle of tenants. I persuaded her to let me and one of my sisters and one of my brothers take on the day to day running. My sister, who is a barrister did the legal side, my brother, who was on site did the maintenance and I handled lease negotiations with tenants and drew up a plan to improve the yard and boost earnings.  Years after, she confided that she never intended to sell the yard, but knew that if she told me that, I'd step up. We ensured that she had a good income in her later years. The arrangement was formalised a few years later and we are still going and running a thriving estate with a successful music business.

    God bless you Mum and thank you. I am sorry that I took so long to appreciate you. Happy Mothers Day.